Fear- A Uncanny Feeling

I am a late worker in my department. Many times it took past midnight to return from the department to hostel. Day before yesterday was like those days. It was almost three o'clock. I stopped searching articles for my work as I was feeling drowsy. I thought to run instead of walking(these days I am quite health conscious). I took the path passing from the front of the Library. It was a real quiet place. Cool night breeze was blowing and the path was almost covered with dried fallen leaves(Autumn is on and Winter is about to come). A perfect atmosphere to be scared of. Being a person with blunt senses, I was totally unaware of this atmosphere and was jogging on the way return. Suddenly I heard a feint clattering sound running just behind me. I thought it is the roadside dog that is used to run with me and lick my hand. I stopped and looked back to find its happy face. There was nothing. Not a single living being that can walk, only the empty path. A quick shiver ran through the spine. Again I looked around. Same calm and quiet surrounding. Nothing different. But I was already caught by the fear and felt the silent scariness of the atmosphere with my whole body. I started to run again, this time in fear. Same situation, a rattling sound accompanying me. With a ice cold fear I almost crossed the way front of library and while running I just looked back. A smile came to my lips and I got totally ashamed for my attitude just a second back. It was only the dried leaves that were rolling due to my heavy footstep causing the rattling sounds. I just stopped , smiled at myself for a second and  started walking.

Being an atheist, I always boasted of my fearlessness. This incident taught me good lesson that whatever I may think normally, my subconscious feelings are always same as my ancestors.

Different Journey - Same Feeling

These two incidents are just two unforgettable memories of my life. I don't know how a person feels putting his neck on Guillotine or seeing a Rifle pointed at forehead, but it is definitely not a charming moment. May be this is the feeling of death which suddenly pours ice cold water throughout the backbone and heart. Brain stops working and makes a fraction of second fully paralysed although just after the second he can merely remember the feeling of the moment.

In my lifetime, I gone through two incidents that gave me those exact same feeling.

I cant remember which one happened earlier, so I am starting with the one I think is earlier.

It happened when I had been to Baddi,Himachal Pradesh for my industrial training. The training was about to complete, so I suggested my mate to have a visit to IIT, Delhi; what we really consider as the Kashi for us Engineers. And we went there, had a couple of happy days with our favourite seniors and planned to come back to Baddi. It was the Howrah- Kalka Mail, the same which previously brought us to Kalka from Howrah, for what we planned to board. Train was scheduled from Old Delhi station at 2130 hours, but as expected it came around one and half hour late. We have decided to travel in General Compartment as it was cheap and instant. Like most of other general compartments running throughout the India, it was also filled. Somehow we managed two seats; one on the airy side and the other was just opposite. The night was sultry. I choose the lesser comfortable one as I wanted my mate to take some rest what he was terribly needed. As I suspected, he slept in no time. I was neither in the mood nor in the position to sleep and very soon got bored and to be honest, a little bit jealous to my friend. Nearly one hour passed and being completely mad about the situation, I went to the Middle Door to have some fresh air where I found an older person was sitting on the doorstep. I brought a piece of news paper and manged to seat beside him, putting my toes on the stairs. I got the left part of the door and sat there holding the left handle strongly with my left hand. The night was a full moon and the atmosphere was amazingly beautiful. It was like the dark night was covered with a net made of moonlight. The hide and seek of darkness and hazy light was really poetic. I was completely lost on that beauty. All on a sudden I came to my full consciousness and found I slept. The train was running at about 100 km per hour and I was just dozing on the doorstep with only one hand supporting and rocking with the train as well. I don't know how to explain it. When I just found myself like that with full consciousness of the situation, I only felt a terrible fear and shivered. Suddenly, I don't know why, I took a look around and saw everyone was sleeping peacefully. That gave me a feeling of life and I came back to a little bit normal and just left the place and sat on the place what I felt a few hours back as the worst seat can ever happen.

The next experience is not very rare for many of local train travellers. Once I had to give  a very important notebook to my friend as the examination was knocking at the door. He bunked that day and asked me to pass the notebook to his younger brother in his home station on my way to college. I got down on his station, Agarpara and heard brother's voice "Bhaiya". Passing him the notebook started to talk to him as I planned to take the next train earlier. Suddenly I decided to take the same train. The train was already started and took a pace. "It is nothing" I thought and started running what I always did in past. I also got the pace and grabbed the little handle of the door by right hand and with instinct stretched my left hand to hold the central post of the door. With a shock, I found it was a vendor compartment. It had no post to cling to. On running at top speed, I grabbed the same door handle with both hands and tried to jump inside. I put the left leg on the door step and lost control as I had to jump while twisting myself at 180 degrees. My foot slipped totally. That very moment I had a look on the quickly passing platform beneath me and got the exact feeling I explained earlier. Somehow due to my jeans, my heavy weight and my urge to be alive; I managed not to fall by putting my whole pressure on my Tarsal region of leg, region between knee and foot and had a pain as if I had been nailed down there. But I was extremely happy that I was alive although everyone around was scolding me bitterly. My leg was bleeding and took first aid later. This total incident was even more horrible for me as I was totally concerned throughout the time and it only took a few seconds to complete. This is how it ended, so simply as there was nothing exactly happened at all.

I am a good day dreamer but even I all my imagination stop when I think about these two incidents, "What if my hand got loosened then?".

There is only one answer, everyone knows it. Still it is so unknown and I would never want to hear that.

The Ultimate Truth of Life

Last two days brought me some typical sorrows in my life. Yesterday started with a brilliant sunshine. As usual I reached my college and went for booking a ticket with a senior of mine because I was a novice for buying ticket through middleman. Completing the formalities we were about to leave the cabin and "Bang", My senior got a head on crash on A.C. machine box and knelt in pain immediately. Sooner it started bleeding. We did a lot to stop it and took him to take the first aid. My senior only said to me with a pain painted face, smiling, " Whenever you are with me, a bloody incident happens". Behind this comment, there is a sequel what I will write anytime later. This is how the events started.

After some times I had been scolded badly as I tried to clean up the windows of an instrument without knowing that the liquid(Ethanol) creates permanent scratches in it.

In the afternoon, I went to our Academics office and came to know that due to their noble pace of work we will get our Scholarship at least two more months later. It is tiring enough as we have not get our scholarship of last 10 months or I can put it in this way; I joined here for 16 months and paid for 6 months till now.

But the last blow was yet to come. When returned to my hostel, got the news of demise of my friends mother. It was a complete shock. In the afternoon, he sent me a email saying he was leaving then. So I had a portray about him as a happy boy returning home after a long time along with the satisfaction of his career in his beautiful glittering eyes. He always stood beside me; in any condition and I am such a poor fellow that I could not stand beside him in his utmost need. What a pathetic situation.

With that, that day is passed. Then came today morning. After breakfast, I took a different path than my usual way to my department to meet a friend of mine. On the way, I found a wounded bird, fell in ground, fighting for surviving from the death attacks by a pair or crows. I kept those predators away by posing of throwing stones at them and went for my friend to talk. While returning with the help of a kind watchman of our institute, I managed to wrap the bird with a cloth so that it would not be able to scratch my hand. It was, although totally unable to move, looking ferocious as if the whole surrounding is the enemy. Just when I picked the creature to my bosom to soothe it, one of our Professors was passing by. He gave me a phone number(022-28888888) where I can get information of animal care organizations. I called them. They said that they will be sending information in my mobile and email. Just then, two other message came and my mobile inbox is full. I stated deleting those unwanted texts to get the information I needed at any cost. At that instant, I thought and also our professor suggested that I should take the bird to my hostel. So I took the bird to the hostel mess and asked my friends to bring some food and water for that wounded fellow. On the way, I was imagining(I am a good day dreamer) that after healing of its wounds I will be walking on the road and it will be seating in my shoulder. It was breakfast time and seeing it a little crowd gathered and a person identified the bird as a Cuckoo and also said they always have a battle against crows and for what the current scenario. The bird was suddenly started gasping. I took water to its beak but in vein. It was unable to drink or it. I felt the last death gasps of the striving cuckoo well within my hands as the same I felt for my pet dog died in front of me. Its eyes got half closed and it stopped twisting its body and flapping wings. Slowly its neck got loosened and confirmed its ultimate journey. I took the bird, with a friend and an elderly gardener buried it. At the very moment, all the details sent by the Helping Organizations reached in my mobile. This is how it ended.

I have an exceptional power of forgetting. But I am also not sure how long it will take to wipe out these two days from my grey cells. Hope it will be soon enough.